I’ve been writing much more prolifically on this blog for the last couple of months than I have in the past. Maybe because of where I’m at in life and in my practice, and I now have the time and energy to focus on this.
In any case, I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to what the main message of this blog is, or is becoming. What is the “underlying message” trying to come out of me…
Then it dawned on me that, of course, it’s the same underlying message that I work to instill in all of my clients:
You already have all the resources you need to create the solutions to your challenges, and to live your best life.
There’s a lot going on behind that statement, so I’m going to break it down in this article.
Because this is important. This is about YOU. And me. And everyone. Within this framework, truly, lie the keys to success for anyone.
So here goes, let’s uncover what’s behind that statement, “you already have all the resources you need to live your best life.”
1. Set goals and create dreams that draw on YOUR potential.
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” ~Bruce Lee
Don’t set goals that are meant for someone else. Set goals for a life that is right for YOU. Not a life that doesn’t leverage your personal potential. YOUR BEST life. YOUR best life. Your BEST life.
Take a moment and re-read the quote above from Bruce Lee.
I love that quote; it sums up this point so well. You have an innate, unique potential–aim to live up to your own potential and you will find much greater success and fulfillment than if you try to recreate the life and success of someone else.
We all have individual skills, talents, abilities, potential. Unique to us. We also have our own limitations and challenges, and the degree to which we can overcome those is also, unique to us.
I am not saying set your bar low. I am saying set your bar high, and set your bar high FOR YOU.
By far the most tragedy I see is people setting their personal bar way too low. But occasionally I also see someone who has accepted unrealistic expectations and their inability to achieve goals that simply aren’t right for them leads to frustration and disappointment.
Set yourself up for success! Look at YOUR skills, strengths, aptitudes and especially at what you love to do. Chances are, if you love doing something you are either already very good at it, or can become very good at it.
As Confucius says, “unlock the door to your personal excellence.”
#2. You have resources and abilities that you have not tapped and are probably completely unaware of.
“Humans, with the capacities of higher-order thinking, can overcome limiting behaviors and fears.” ~ Dr. Paul R. Scheele
For example, the person who continues to struggle to become comfortable with money, because when they grew up they accepted the belief that “all rich people are jerks.”
If you find yourself continuously striving for certain goals and then sabotaging yourself (missing that interview or deadline; “why did I say that?” syndrome; balking during the game when you never do in practice, and so on) then you have higher potential to achieve that goal than you are tapping into.
Something in your subconscious mind is holding you back.
Uncover the underlying limiting belief. Use self hypnosis to over-write it. Begin by knowing you have resources that you are not tapping into.
Fear and limitations can be overcome, and behind those lie strengths and resources for you!
#3. You already have all the resources you need.
“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” ~Les Brown
Some of those resources may be masked by limiting beliefs.
Some of those resources may need development–but they’re there!
There’s a story that moves around in hypnosis circles, about the client who comes in and says, “I need you to give me more confidence.” (Note the external locus of control–they think confidence needs to come from somewhere outside of them.) And the hypnotist says, “what makes you think you don’t have confidence? Are you certain you don’t have confidence?” To which the client replies adamantly that they “absolutely certain they don’t have confidence, that they are 100% sure of it.” The client gets very loud and vocal and even stands up, like a great orator, extolling how absolutely positive that they are that they don’t have confidence!
Of course the feedback is that the client clearly has the resource of confidence–because they are very confident that they are not confident! It’s how they’re applying that resource that needs to be worked with!
Your best resource is your own resourcefulness.
- Your ability to tap into and develop additional and latent resources as you meet new challenges in life.
- Your ability to learn.
- Your ability to be flexible.
- Your ability to seek knowledge and skills and help from others.
These are your most powerful resources. They enable you to adapt.
#4. Responsibility gives you power.
“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.” ~ Jim Rohn
Too many of us have a negative connotation with the word “responsibility.” Let’s reframe what responsibility means.
Responsibility literally means “the ability to respond.”
From the smallest single celled organism right up to us humans, the ability to respond literally means life or death; success or failure.
Why would you want to relinquish the very scepter of power, the key to the realm?
When I learned and really internalized this concept, it was as if the doors to the kingdom were opened to me. I realized what it really meant to say, “you can achieve whatever you set your mind to.”
By accepting responsibility and accountability for your life and your results, you are taking the keys to ownership. You are saying, “I can and I will, if I choose to.” And the choice is always yours–the choice to pursue a goal or not; the choice to be flexible, or not.
And that’s a good thing–as long as you realize it is YOU making the choice (see #5 below about internal locus of control).
Or, to quote the band Rush (I can’t resist!):
“If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”
#5. You, and only you, can create your best life.
“Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.” ~ Les Brown
My most challenging clients are the ones who have somehow during their lives accepted an “external locus of control.” Meaning that they see their happiness or achievements as being determined by something or someone outside of them.
An external locus of control sounds something like this: “I’ll be happy when I lose ten pounds.” Or, “I’ll be able to achieve [insert goal here] when my spouse starts supporting my efforts.” Or it’s the stock market, or your boss, or your co-workers, or your children, and so on, who hold the keys to your success and happiness.
If you catch yourself starting a sentence, either out loud or self-talk, like this: “I’ll have [insert desired emotional state or goal achievement here] when/if [behavior by someone or something outside of you happens]” — catch yourself! You have a limiting belief driven by an external locus of control in that area.
That sentence pattern, “I’ll have…when/if…” tells you you’ve given away your power.
You will never achieve goals that you are not 100% in control of achieving.
That’s right, because you’ve given yourself an “out.” Which indicates a subconscious limiting belief is in play.
It’s also true because, if something happens for you without your having caused it, it’s not actually an achievement. And your subconscious mind knows the difference between something you caused, and something that happened as an effect. The human mind is very good at cause and effect.
With an internal locus of control, you realize that you may not always get the results you want from your actions, but YOU drive the actions. And that feeling or attitude gives you the motivation and flexibility to say, “if that didn’t work, then how can I do this differently to reach my goal?”
There is tremendous power in that phrase, “How Can I?”
If you take nothing else away from this article, I hope that you will take away the practice of replacing “I can’t” or “it didn’t work” and so on with the phrase “How can I?”
“They didn’t let me have the job.” — becomes “Then HOW CAN I reach my employment goal anyway?” “She didn’t let me date her” becomes “Then HOW CAN I meet someone who will appreciate me for who I am?” “I don’t have enough money to invest in that,” becomes “Then HOW CAN I earn extra/save up/come up with the money.” “I don’t have the skills to do this,” becomes “HOW CAN I tap into the skills of someone who does, or learn them for myself?”
“I don’t know how” becomes “Then HOW CAN I acquire the skills?”
“How can I” taps into your internal locus of control. It puts the ball in YOUR court. And to follow that analogy, if the ball isn’t in your court, there’s nothing you can do but wait and react.
“How can I” also acknowledges that things DO happen in life that are outside of your control, and that it is your response to those things that make the difference in how you feel about yourself, and in what results you ultimately achieve. You can’t make someone love you, or hire you. You can’t make the stock market go up. You may not be able to control having a disease or physical injury. You CAN create new and more resourceful responses to these events, however. And that is where true power lies.
Don’t settle for a life where you wait and react. HOW CAN YOU start today to create your best life?