Building your confidence foundation

Building your confidence is like constructing a beautiful building

Dee was bright, possessed a great sense of humor, and was fun to be around. She had numerous friends who all swore if they ever needed to be cheered up or have an ear to listen, Dee was the person they all sought. Yet Dee suffered inside with confidence. She never thought she was ‘good enough’ to be the life of the party. Or that anything she said really helped anyone.

Like many of us, Dee has a problem with recognizing her own worth, or self confidence. But exactly how can someone build their sense of self worth and yet not go too overboard into what could be perceived as arrogance? No one likes someone so puffed up with self importance he or she forgets there are other people just as valuable around. So how can one achieve confidence? It’s not like buying it off the shelf at a grocery store.

Many cultures have a belief which claims every person is on this planet for a purpose and a reason, that no one is here ‘by mistake’. Whatever your personal belief is, make recognizing that you are a valuable contribution to this world as one of them. This is not an easy thing to do. Many of us may have been taught not to ‘toot your own horn’. For others, like Dee, confidence appears on the outside yet is lacking on the inside.

The key then to building your confidence is truly believing in you. How? Here are a few tips to assist you in your search for that delicate act of balance.

1. Recognize Your Own Self Worth: A good way to start achieving this is to say every day, “I am a person who has a lot to give to this world.” Then don’t just say it, believe it. And do it. Take actions that add value to the world and to others (research shows this increases happiness and self esteem). It won’t happen overnight. Anything worth having, after all, is worth taking the time to achieve. When you drive to work in the morning, at each red light, look in your rear view mirror and say, “I’m a person with a lot to give. I matter.” It won’t be comfortable for the first few times, but make it a habit. After a while, you will begin to not only say it, but believe it.

Dee felt silly the first time she said those words. After a while, the habit turned the chaotic and often frustrating morning rush hour drive into work into something she actually began to look forward to doing. Certainly she received a few puzzled looks from others, but she also received those when she ‘car danced’ to the radio at a stop light. Talking positively to yourself is never wasted especially when it helps with building your confidence.

Don't follow the crowd; let the crowd follow you. ~ Margaret Thatcher Click To Tweet

2. Focus on the Things You Do Well: All of us have a talent of some kind or another. Maybe you play a musical instrument or sing so well Taylor Swift would stare in envy. Maybe you bake the best biscuits in the state. Maybe you have the gift of storytelling or a green thumb that can make anything grow. Whatever your unique talent is, focus on honing that talent to the best you can be.  Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t.

Dee always wanted to dance like a prima ballerina, but her two left feet couldn’t pivot to save her life. So instead of focusing on what she couldn’t do, she is now focusing on her love of words. She’s developing that love into writing. She may not be a New York Times best seller, but she’s confident now in her ability to put words together that people (including her) like to read. Find what you love, and you will naturally enjoy building your confidence in being the best you can be at it.

3. Try Self Hypnosis: If you find you just can’t seem to rid yourself of those negative, “I’m not good” thoughts, perhaps self hypnosis will help. The collections here are designed to help you achieve your goal in the fastest, easiest, yet most powerful way to change. Self hypnosis can be the ‘trigger’ which unlocks your mind to all the wonderful ways you can be your most confident.

Dee struggled with negative thoughts and had a bad habit of ‘comparing’ herself to others. Nora writes better, Jennifer is prettier, Madrid is so much thinner. But she’s not Nora, Jennifer or Madrid. She’s Dee. She needed to stop comparing and focus on simply on being the best Dee she can be. Self hypnosis is always focused on you. This is why self hypnosis helps you achieve your own unique goals and desires for your own healthy life.

4. Don’t Give Up on You: As mentioned above, comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. You aren’t Tom or Sally or Bill or Mary. You are you. There’s only one you even if you are an identical twin. Realizing you have as much value and worth as Tom, Sally, Bill and Mary is where you must set aside the desire to ‘be like him/her’ and focus on yourself. What makes you unique from the rest of the world? Please don’t think, “Nothing.” All of us have something which sets us apart.  If you’re in a state of mind where you can’t see yourself that way, ask someone whom you know loves you unconditionally. Grandparents are often good for building your confidence!

I mentioned Dee’s love of words and writing. Many others have this talent, as well. Yet Dee is the only one who can write the thoughts, stories, and images she sees in her head. No one else can tell her story or thoughts the way Dee can. That’s her focus now: being the best writer Dee can be. Once she stopped comparing herself to Stephen King and Nora Roberts, Dee became more confident in her ability as a writer. It didn’t happen overnight and there are loads of times Dee still feel her writing stinks. But she’s not giving up on herself. And her confidence is growing with every piece she writes.  Because she is taking that action!

5. Confidence Takes Time: You may not even notice you are gaining confidence until a family member or friend mentions it to you. Dee didn’t. This is because confidence, like weight loss and/or gain, doesn’t happen overnight. There’s an old saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” It wasn’t. But think of how all those Roman buildings constructed hundreds of years ago are still standing today. You are a work in progress, an active building site. Each time you truly believe, “I have worth,” you add another stone block or brick to your foundation and are building your confidence. Just like the Roman Coliseum, a well built site has a better chance of lasting longer than a poorly constructed one. Believing in you is the foundation of self confidence. Confidence is built one brick at a time.

Dee is slowly adding blocks to her confidence foundation. To her friends, she is a valuable resource in their own building sites. Dee never realized how much friends and family members depended on her for her open ears until one finally told her one day. Dee took stock of all the people who asked for her opinion. They don’t ask just to make her feel good. They ask because they truly want her advice. Dee added an entire wall to her building site the day she realized she has a lot to give, she matters in this world and she’s here for a reason. And you will, too.

Dee still giggles when she looks in the mirror and says, “I’m a person here for a reason”, but she’s saying it every day. Friends have noticed a new glow about her and a certain lightness missing before. It’s taking time to build her confidence, but she knows she is worth it. And so are you.

Thought for the Day: Maybe you don’t see the ‘reason’ you are here because to someone around you, you are their reason.

About the Author
Cindy Locher, BCH 

I am a practicing hypnotherapist and certified hypnotherapy instructor in Minnesota, USA. I’m also the author and recording artist behind the hypnosis MP3s available here on HypnosisFirst! Having benefitted from hypnosis since the age of 4, (read about that here), I became a devotee of the art and science behind personal excellence, and I’m delighted to have you here on my site!


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